Question: A Dressage Judge, a Scribe, and a Dressage Clinician are walking down the street. A 100 dollar bill blows across in front of them. Who gets it?
Answer: The Scribe
Why? Because the Dressage Judge doesn’t know what’s going on without asking the Scribe. And the Dressage Clinician isn't going anywhere for only $100.
I would like to welcome all of you to this month's online meeting of Horse-Aholics Anonymous. You may be sitting there thinking that you are OK, and don't really need any help. It is not easy to realize that you are a horse-aholic, and even harder to bring yourself to a HA meeting for help. HA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask to try to determine if you can be helped.
If you answered YES to 10, you are in serious trouble. Give in gracefully, and become a member of Horse-Aholics Anonymous now... You will qualify eventually anyway.
If you answered YES to 15 or more, you are incurable.
My advice to those who, like me, are incurable is as follows.....
Sit back, smile, read your email, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and better horses, and it will never be dull.
This clip was posted from Dressage Today Magazine on Facebook. They
promised it was about Dressage!
"Horse sense is found usually in people
with a stable mind."
Jane's husband was complaining again: "Jane, you care more for your horses than for me, I bet that you can't even remember when we got married!"
"Of course I do darling" replied Jane "It was the day after I won my first ever Medium Dressage test!!"
A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge black frying pan. Boing!
Man: "What was that for?!"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pant's pocket with the name Marylou written on it?!"
Man: "Oh honey. Don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife seemed satisfied and headed on to do some work around the house, feeling a bit sheepish.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Boing!!
Man: "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your HORSE called!"
A Letter from Your Horse
And now, the REAL story.....
Sincerely, Your Horse
Judge's comments that you DON'T want to receive!!!
“Nice horse, with lots of…er… potential. (When your horse is over 16!)
“I can only assume this horse jumps well.”
"Well sat bucks."
“Should salute facing judge."
“Horse has a lot of enthusiasm, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be for
“That was your first dressage test, wasn't it?" -- and it wasn’t.
"Very naughty horse……but quite athletic."
“Disobedient" - in every comment for every movement.
"Too much to list here - ask your trainer."
“Everyone who rides has days like this.”
"What a shame about that Helicopter!"
To Right A Horse
Mounting a horse is actually very easy if it is done properly. A rider can only mount a horse from one side because a horse only likes to be mounted from one side.
The left side is right and the right side is wrong. You're right to be left and wrong to be right.
If you mount from the front, you mount from the right, which is then the left because your right is its left, and the left the right, keeping in mind that the left is right and the right is wrong.
Put your left to your right and step so your right is to the wrong and now your right is opposite its left and left the right.
To right right is to the left and to right is wrong is to the right, but backwards, the right is right and the left is wrong only when your right is on its wrong, and the left is on its right. Switching right to left and left to right is wrong.
Right is wrong and left is right only from the front or else the left is right and the right is wrong.
A woman was riding her horse beside a creek one day when she heard a voice call out "You there!.. down here.. I'm on this rock! "
She looks down to see a frog on a rock. The frog says, "Pick me up! I am a handsome prince and if you kiss me , I will turn back into one and make you VERY HAPPY!"
She gets down from her horse and picks up the frog and puts him in her pocket and continues to ride.
The frog yells, "HEY , I TOLD YOU, I AM A HANDSOME PRINCE ... KISS ME AND YOU WILL SEE!!"
The woman takes the frog out of pocket, holds him in her palm and says, "Now frog, I am a Dressage rider and I don't have time for any handsome prince..... But a talking frog, now THAT'S COOL! "
Q: A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd.
How is this possible?
A: His horse's name was June 3rd.
All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse
1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
The Top Ten Reasons To Ride Dressage
10. Found ice-fishing too stimulating.
9. I enjoy wearing full formal wear rain or shine.
8. Who wouldn't love spending afternoons riding in circles getting yelled at.
7. Just love subjecting friends and family to my latest equine video spectacular.
6. My chiropractor needs a new car.
5. Wanted to find a place my husband wouldn't go - aka. the barn.
4. Had tired of spending cold winters by the fire, and hot summers by the pool.
3. My lawyer wanted me to have 3 judges.
2. Lived for the sport where I could say "Piaffe" to the judges.
1. I had way too much money in my bank account.
"Mom", said a little boy after coming from a walk. "I've seen a man who makes horses."
"Are you sure?" asked his mother.
"Yes," he replied. "He had a horse nearly finished. When I saw him, he was just nailing on his feet."
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